Lizards at the park

I'm something of a shutterbug, and each weekend, I like to wake up early, go to the nearby Nature Preserve, and take pictures.

The sidewalks at the preserve are the stomping grounds of yuppie joggers and their dogs. I'm self-aware enough to know that I don't belong among them. I wear rumpled khaki cargo shorts that I stuff with spare camera lens. Most everyone else wears expensive workout clothes. I just assume I'm a strange sight, a bespectacled middle aged guy who suddenly appears out of the bushes with a camera. I realize there is something unseemly about that.

I do get the occasional 'good morning' from people. Just today, a woman offered to help me get across a creek. I declined, being the tough guy that I am, and slipped my foot off of a rock and into the water.

Today, I was heading back to where I thought the entrance was --I'm always spending more time there than I intend to, as I can never find the entrance, and I have to endure a brief Blair Witch Project lost in the woods panic-- and I saw a leaf that was turning red. I stopped on the concrete path to fiddle with my camera, and then I saw a snake dart about in the leaves.

I have a irrational, primordial fear of snakes, but this one looked kind of "cute", if a snake can look cute. I tried to get a photo, but I didn't want to reach into the leaves. I was squatting down in my khaki shorts trying to get the best angle. A group of yuppie exercisers were walking my way. A whole family of them.

I said in my best 'Golly Gee! Don't that just beat all' voice, "There's a snake in there." Later while recounting this sad tale, my wife asked, "Did you actually say that in that tone of voice?"

No reaction from the walkers, and they did their best to avoid eye contact with me.

The exercisers walked away holding their water bottles, not even talking to each other. I thought to myself, "Yeah, keep on walking. Better not forget that water bottle. It can sometimes get to 88 degrees this time of the morning, and you're walking so briskly, it could get Lawrence of Arabia on your ass in no time. You might just die without a sip of water after thirty minutes of power walking. I kind of hope you do."

I then imagined them getting home, peeling off their special exercise clothes, calling dibs on the shower. You know, we really worked out hard today. Walking around at a pace above normal. Let's all go get Italian Gelato.

Yay! I'm gonna smear it all over my face and then the table. But Daddy, what was that man doing at the park today?

I don't know. He was probably homeless and lived in the forest. What do we do when we see a homeless person?

Call the police!

That-a-boy Timmy!

My name is Susan.

Whatever.