Apple Watch

I have a very ambivalent relationship to technology. When I was a teenager, I wanted to live in a Star Trek world of plastic and glass, where everything was done in-doors at a touch of the button, the solemn promise of every electronic convenience. Now as I get older, just like everyone else, I’m deeply entrenched with technology, whether I want to, or not.  I’m a little wary (and weary) of all these portable supercomputers we’re engaging with.

The new Apple Watch seems like an ugly and crazy expensive piece of tack. For awhile, until I accidentally drowned it in the washing machine, I was wearing a FitBit, which tracked my movements, and measured how many steps I took each day. This slightly influenced my behavior to walk more, and most people would agree that’s a good thing. The Apple Watch is going to do the same thing, and it may influence behavior in unexpected ways, but it will also measure something a bit more intimate, your heartbeat.

I can already see a meeting of marketers, their own hearts racing at the implications of this new device. It is totally in the realm of possibility to measure wearer’s heart rates with other biometric data, and compare that biodata in relation to commercials viewed. So in other words, someone is going to pitch the idea of looking into increased heart rates and tie that to interest in a commercial or web banner while it’s being viewed. The tried and true way to make people click on things is to entice them with sex or fear, but people get jaded. Click-through rates keep dropping. Ask yourself when was the last time you clicked on something that said, “You won’t believe what shocking thing she did!” 

In desperation, I foresee a future where advertisements in all media forms will start putting sudden loud noises in everything to try induce a sudden spike in people’s heart rates, just so advertisers can tell their customers that the commercials are working. “We have shown that Apple Watch biometric data have sharply risen when we put loud unexpected and annoying fireworks in our fabric softener commercial. Can I also say, please don’t fire me, I have a second mortgage now, and a young son.”