The Lonely Existentialist Crisis of Super Mario.

Last week, German researchers announced a self-aware Super Mario that made decisions in the game by emotional reasoning. If Mario felt hungry, then he would try to get coins, and Mario could explore his world based on what he wanted to do. I find the idea of this experiment unspeakably cruel. Mario wakes up over and over, sort of like the movie ‘Memento’, and in his world, he jumps on mushrooms and tries to rescue Princess Peach from Koopa. Now imagine telling Mario he isn’t real, neither are his pals and enemies, but just constructions in a computer.

“No! It’s-a-me! Mario! It’s-a-me.”

This is inducing an existentialist crisis in the candy-colored world of Super Mario Brothers. Luigi would suffer a worse fate, as he isn’t even the main character and would have to deal with that.

I don’t like to really think about this, but some theorists have put forth the idea that we, you and I, are in a computer construction. It kind of makes sense. Just like pixels, if you go small enough down on a quantum level, reality itself breaks down as there is nothing for reality to be anymore. The 13.8 billion years universe might really only be a few minutes of time to whoever (or whatever) is playing the game. I suspect they let it run for a few minutes, while they’re stepping away, making a snack. Ask yourself what’s more absurd, the motivations of Donkey Kong, or the motivations of ISIS.

In such a simulation, the observable universe would be like the game Asteroids, in that if you travelled long enough in a straight line, trillions of years later you would wind up in the same spot, or if you like, on the other side of the screen again. If we start seeing repeating star patterns then we would really have to take this idea seriously.

But even if we are in a big Super Mario Brothers game, that doesn’t mean our own lives have to be meaningless. Even if the fabric of reality ripped open and two giant Beavis and Butthead types revealed themselves saying, “Huh huh huh. It’s fun to watch you fight. Huh huh huh.”

“We’re playing a game! Fire! Fire!”

We can still hold our heads high with dignity if we choose to, even in such absurdity.